“You’ve been seeing her how long? And you gave her lingerie for Sweetest Day? But…she hasn’t even invited you into her apartment yet!”

Have you ever been in this situation before guys? You thought that giving the girl you’d been seeing lingerie as a gift was a great idea. Women love getting intimate things, right? But when you mentioned your purchase to someone else, they were aghast at your faux pas. And suddenly you understood why she looked at you like that and started ignoring your phone calls since that night. When is it appropriate to give lingerie as a gift?

A good basic rule to remember when considering whether or not to buy lingerie as a gift is if she hasn’t knowingly let you see her in lingerie, then don’t buy it. If you haven’t been in her apartment, this is also a sign that lingerie as a gift is a bad idea. If you aren’t intimate enough to already know what her sizes are then you have no business buying lingerie. Think of it this way: You’ve been on a few dates with a woman and things seem to be going well. Then all of a sudden one night during dinner she begins a conversation about engagement rings, weddings and how many babies she wants. Instantly, you’re thinking “check please!” You weren’t at that point where it’s ok to discuss such things in comfort, so that causes you to withdraw from the situation and from that woman. The same is true for premature lingerie gifts from men.

However, if you are in an intimate relationship with a woman, then tasteful lingerie can be a great gift for the right occasion, and I stress the right occasion. Your anniversaries, a private birthday celebration, Valentine’s or Sweetest Day; these are all perfect occasions to give the gift of lingerie. Her parent’s annual family Christmas party is not the right time to unveil the sexy lingerie you are so proud you picked out. Giving that to her later on in private is a better idea and may be well-received; perhaps leading to a romantic evening.

Even though giving lingerie as a gift doesn’t work for everyone, it doesn’t necessarily have to be limited to spouses or significant others. Sisters and best friends can give one another expensive and pretty items that they normally wouldn’t buy for themselves. In that case, the gift can be bought after a shopping trip reveals your friends or sisters preference for a certain lingerie piece. A very close mother and daughter may give each other lingerie; but the same doesn’t apply to a mother-in-law, unless you are inordinately close. Lingerie is also traditionally given to the bride-to-be by her bridesmaids and the maid of honor for her wedding night and beyond. Again, in all of these cases, both the relationship and occasion are appropriate.

And after you have considered all of these points and decided that lingerie is the right gift for your situation, ask whether the store you are purchasing from accepts returns on intimate apparel, just in case the color or size needs to be exchanged. If all else fails, a gift certificate is always a good idea.

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